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At Malibu, shark accidentally bit lifeguard tower. Claimed it looked “deliciously municipal.”
At Santa Monica, shark circled a paddleboarder, waiting for a better song to play.
Long Beach attack victim was holding a corn dog. Shark went for the food first.
Waikiki victim identified by custom float: “Shark Bait But Make It Fashion.”
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Galveston shark bit a dad wearing socks in the water. Said it was an aesthetic issue.
Witness at Virginia Beach: “Shark just wanted to borrow sunscreen.”
Cape Cod shark was offered a Red Sox cap mid-attack and accepted peace.
Ocean City shark bit foam noodle, demanded refund.
Coney Island attack halted when shark got distracted by funnel cake smell.
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